★★★★★ 4
good discussion of discipline, but not anti-spanking as I was lead to believe
Format: Paperback
What I liked:
-Murray encourages parents not to react identically to all "infractions." Children misbehave in different ways and certain behaviors are not as bad as others. It's straight up bad parenting to react the same way in every occasion (e.g. breaking a lamp while rough housing is not the same as cheating on a test at school and should not be addressed identically. "disobedience" is not a catch-all "sin").
-Murray encourages parents to consider developmental abilities (toddlers are toddlers and it is not immoral for them to act like toddlers) and different personalities (perfectionists might seem more well-behaved than their artsy free spirited siblings, but it's just because perfectionists feel more at home in rigidity, while such rigidity suffocates a free spirit).
What I didn't like:
-Murray acts like she doesn't care whether you spank (she makes one small reference in the body of the book and waits to address spanking until an appendix at the end). However, it is clear that she is pro-spanking when she accuses non-spankers of falling into license or a lack of desire to discipline (the only thing spankers have to worry about is abuse, which is such a vague standard). Honestly this appendix really upset me because the rest of the book seemed so positive and powerful and it was disappointing to read after ALL THAT, basically the best discipline for young children is a spank.
But I didn't want to drop the book's rating all the way down to a 2 or 3 because the body of the book really is helpful and much more positive than most conservative, Christian parenting books that automatically center every discipline discussion around "the rod."
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Reviewed in the United States on November 15, 2019
